Thursday, May 14, 2009

mammograms.....................

mammograms.....................
My Sister sent this to me, and I thought it was a hoot. I sent it to all most everyone I could think of, including my SonIL, and decided I had to share it here! My DH did not enjoy it nearly as much as I did....lol....... Enjoy a laugh!
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Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.
EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.


EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.


EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!



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don't you feel comforted now???



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For you who asked, the flowers were so easy to make. Here's a fast tutorial...
I used two circles the same size, about 4 inches, and and then a smaller circle half the size of the larger one, so about 2 inches. I used unbleached muslin, for the large circles, and brown, red, and green prints, plaids, and dots, for the smaller circles. Layer two large circles on top of each other, and set a smaller circle on top and in the middle of the two larger ones, and sew it on, using embroidery floss. Leave a spot open to fill with stuffing, stuffing your center fairly tight then finish sewing it the rest of the way up. Now cut all the way around your circles almost to the centers. Coffee stain and bake on cookie sheet lined with foil, till dry. Sand the edges to help them fray some more. My DIL has made some that are about 6 or 8 ". I know they are cute.....





With this nasty, dang, disgusting, miserable, annoying, energy consuming cold I've had, I have gotten a cold sore....don't you hate them? ( I know hate is a strong word, can you think of a better one here?) Anyway, have your tried L-Lysine. It works very good for clearing up a cold sore in just a couple of days. Of course, I over dose myself and don't take just the required daily amount.... which is one a day ......you need to take three or four or so and the next day do the same.... So if you get cold sores, and haven't tried L-Lysine, you might try it. You can find it with the vitamins in most places. It works wonders!





BTW......If you need me to come help you with the frozen bookends, give me a shout out! LOL (smiling here......)

7 comments:

Kathy said...

LOL, that is so funny but almost true! I need to make an appt. to have one and I will be thinking of your post when I do.
Thanks for the laugh today.
Have a great day!
Hugs,
Kathy

Eric and Caralee said...

lol, I've of course not had the opportunity yet to experience a mammogram, but that gave me a good gut laugh!

Nicole said...

Thanks for the info of cold sores. I think I have like ten of them in my nose right know (sorry probobly too much info) anyhow, there killing me and abreva isn't helping.

Patch of Heaven. said...

LOL. I am not looking forward to the day when i have to get a mammogram

Parkers said...

I had a scare quite a few years ago, and had to go have a mam....I don't remember that it was all that bothersome, but I was only 24 years old, younger more tolerable? I still thought the joke was funny. Is that the little shop in town? Also those little flowers are so cool, I could even make them. I don't take lysine for cold sores anymore, but use campho. They make a gel specifically for cold sores, and it seems to work great, better than abrevia!

Linda Nelson said...

It was nice to talk to you tonight. And I can remember the pain so I don't think I want to try any of these but they are funny. Tell everyone Hi for us. Like your flowers. Let's keep in bettter that we both see eachothers blogs. LOL

Karen said...

Way too funny - thanks for the chuckles. I think all us women can relate!
Karen